Forty-Five

Forty-five has such different meanings these days. Tomorrow is my 46th birthday so I won't be 45 for much longer. Now, I can’t round down to 40 anymore. Technically, you don't get to after 45.

As an amazing pre-birthday surprise, I just found out I won $5,000 for the Joe Brainard Creative Writing Fellowship! My writer self-esteem has gone down the gutter so far these first few weeks of the semester. I’ve been feeling mildly crushed and stressed because of the creative nonfiction workshop I’m in. Everyone's really nice but at times it feels like they cross the line from critiquing my essay into critiquing my terrible life choices. People will say a comment and then everyone who agrees snaps their fingers in this weird, Yeah man, jazz! kind of way. It's really weird.

Getting this little piece of good news is helping to renew my confidence and makes me feel happy, or you know, happy for me.